Oh no. Just figured it out - Murphy is guarding me.

[Noobs]

Our first full day with Murphy, as I said in my intro post, he barked at our newborn son, River, when he was crying in L's arms. I was in the middle of the couch with L and River on one side and Murphy on the other and was able to body-block him with my shoulder when he barked.

Tonight, Murphy was napping on our bed and L and I were on the couch with River. There is a big doorway (6 ft wide) between the living room and the bedroom and a baby gate fixed in the doorway. L was holding River, and as she passed him to me, Murphy growled and started walking toward us. I told him "Stop" with a hand signal and asked him to go back to the bedroom, which he did. Then later on, after some time behind the baby gate I put Murphy on leash and brought him to the couch. He settled right on top of my legs and went to sleep. After about 20 minutes I went to get up, so I asked him off the couch. Then I rearranged the blanket and he got back on the couch. I leaned over to pick River up, and Murphy stood up - I body blocked him with my arm. L said she saw him look at River and do a lip curl. So that's when I was sure that he is guarding me.

It's only our second full day with him and already this has become a huge problem in our household.

I know that part of what has to happen is that we have to "de-value" me in Murphy's eyes. I do all the walks, I do most of the clicker training, I do all the feedings (because we've just switched to raw and part of the agreement of switching in the first place was that I would give him the raw stuff). Right now, L can barely walk across the apartment, let alone do the walks outside. Not to mention because of his reactivity, she's been afraid to take him out for a long time (I've seen him lunge with her holding the leash and she can't handle him). I am his primary caregiver, and now whenever I do anything with my newborn I know it leaves him feeling insecure. In fact, on the first day, every time I walked around the apartment to soothe River, Murphy would follow me from room to room. In hindsight I'm thinking he wasn't curious about the baby - he wasn't following him, he was following me. So now what?

I am home from work for 5 weeks then I go back. My mother is staying with us from June through September to help out, so that's an added stress to Murphy. L is scared that she will be out of her depth with not only a newborn but also a reactive dog who sees the newborn as a threat. We'll also have to take a while to desensitize him to my mom, who I am sure will be afraid of him because of the way he is.

Since we've been back from the hospital and Murphy has come home, he's gotten one long walk instead of two. He's eating raw and gets yogurt and a Tryptophan supplement twice a day.

Admittedly we didn't do the fake baby, fake baby noises thing to prepare him. He doesn't respond to recorded noises at all, so we really didn't think it would help. I could put "Cats 101" on TV for hours (I actually watched that darn show for three episodes once just to see what would happen) and he doesn't bat an eye. But if he hears one outside he's in a barking fit. So if I made a mistake not playing baby noises, then I guess I failed in that sense.

I am now at a loss. L doesn't think that she can handle having him as he is in our family because she is terrified of something happening to our son. Training is going to take time - and do we realistically have that time? I am so embarrassed that I'm admitting to feeling like I've failed him and I am devastated at the thought that we will have to give him up. I feel like a giant dummy for not thinking of the possibility that he would guard me, and feeling at a loss for what to do next. Are we supposed to play "musical rooms" for the next several months? Years? Is it worth making Murphy feel isolated away from the humans because of his insecurity? And how is isolating him supposed to build his confidence?

I have been able to handle his behavior outside, he is a champ at walks, greets dogs nicely, avoids people instead of lunging. I don't know what to do about this. Many of you have been reading about our journey for over two years. And I am just a wreck thinking that I have failed him and that everyone will know it. I'm sitting in our office on my computer with Murphy sitting at my feet while my partner and newborn son are in another room bonding. We can't exist like this. Any advice? Encouragement? Kick in the pants? Anyone have room in their home for a smart and sweet and beautiful dog who happens to have some problems? What do I do?

[emmabeth]

Dont freak just yet - I realise this is WAY easier said than done.

It is SUCH early days yet and you can both read Murphys body language super well so the risks are really really low here, you have already identified the likely problem.

You need to make baby-time 'super rewarding for Murphy' time, so ANY time he is within sight of the baby and you, he gets rewards, remember we SO often forget to use classical conditioning when things are going well, because a dog being good is so easy to ignore!

Do you have a crate/will Murphy be crated - that would give you some space where he can be in the room wtih you and L and River, and you can reward him and there is no risk of him getting too close. I am positive you can think up otherways to create that same situation, where Murph can get rewarded for being there without any risk of him getting too close.

I realise that L cannot do too much right now, so you will have to continue doing the walks - if at all possible it might be better for you to do two shorter walks rather than one longer one. What L COULD do is some clicker training with him whilst you take River for a walk or to another room.

I would also pair every 'sharp' baby sound (ie, other than gurgles, or even gurgles!) with much reward and praise for him. I realise you want him on raw food but could you mix and match, raw and a grain free kibble such as ToTW, as you could then use the kibble as training rewards so much of his meal ration each day comes as rewards for hearing the baby squawk or seeing him. The raw meat can be frozen into kongs if hes good at those (obviously harder to stuff things with bones in them into kongs but theres less need there) and there again, theres an opportunity to see baby time as rewarding time, Murphy could eat his meals in a crate perhaps.

If he DOES guard you, say nothing at all, just get up and walk away, ideally you first, L and River second with the minimum of confrontation (so avoid pushing him off the sofa for example). I would also suggest you look at Zylkene supplements which can really take the edge off anxiety.

Just keep in mind this is super new for ALL of you, so you and L will be much more protective and on edge, and so is Murphy.

[Nettle]

Added to that I think he is guarding himself because you are his 'safe place' and you do need to continue being it.

Things have changed radically in his world, and dogs don't do change any better than we do. L smelt different and acted differently, then he went away, then he came back and there were new smells and sounds and his routine changed and what can he do but get as close as possible to his Safe Place and say Please keep That away from me?


Murphy is scared.


This sounds cuckoo but I recommend it.

Snuggle up with him and explain everything from how it started to how it's going to be. Assure him that he is still a safe dog and always will be no matter what human happenings there are. Somehow although they can't understand the words, if we take time to explain in exhaustive detail, animals often get the idea.

Somehow you all have to contribute to making this work, and it can work, and it will work, but it will take effort. You have already come so far with Murph, and to get it into proportion, most dogs have similar issues with new babies - it's just their owners don't see it.

Stick right here with us - we'll help all we can. It'll be a rough road, but you and Murphy have come along a rougher one. You CAN do this.

Bach Remedy Walnut is good for changing circumstances, and Mimulus for anxiety. Loads of information out there - there may be better Remedies, but you will have to read up on them and decide what will help Murphy most - and indeed you.

[Mattie]

Our first full day with Murphy, as I said in my intro post, he barked at our newborn son, River, when he was crying in L's arms. I was in the middle of the couch with L and River on one side and Murphy on the other and was able to body-block him with my shoulder when he barked.

How did you introduce River to Murphy? I always let my dogs sniff my new baby's feet and even lick them if he wanted to. A new born baby's cry is a new experience for Murphy, many dogs bark when they first hear it.

Tonight, Murphy was napping on our bed and L and I were on the couch with River. There is a big doorway (6 ft wide) between the living room and the bedroom and a baby gate fixed in the doorway. L was holding River, and as she passed him to me, Murphy growled and started walking toward us. I told him "Stop" with a hand signal and asked him to go back to the bedroom, which he did. Then later on, after some time behind the baby gate I put Murphy on leash and brought him to the couch. He settled right on top of my legs and went to sleep. After about 20 minutes I went to get up, so I asked him off the couch. Then I rearranged the blanket and he got back on the couch. I leaned over to pick River up, and Murphy stood up - I body blocked him with my arm. L said she saw him look at River and do a lip curl. So that's when I was sure that he is guarding me.

You are far to tense and stressed, you are expecting Murphy to do something wrong so he is because he is picking up on your stress and tension, get that bottle of wine opened and chill, the more relaxed you are the better for Murph. Try some of the Bach flower remedies for Murph, Nettle will be able to tell you which ones to use for life change and fears.

It's only our second full day with him and already this has become a huge problem in our household.

You are not helping Murph because you are expecting him to react like this, you need to change yourself, how often do you smile when you look at Murph now compared to how often you smiled before River came home? Smiling will soften your body language and will help Murph, you are far too tense at the moment, think I would be frightened of you as well

I know that part of what has to happen is that we have to "de-value" me in Murphy's eyes. I do all the walks, I do most of the clicker training, I do all the feedings (because we've just switched to raw and part of the agreement of switching in the first place was that I would give him the raw stuff). Right now, L can barely walk across the apartment, let alone do the walks outside. Not to mention because of his reactivity, she's been afraid to take him out for a long time (I've seen him lunge with her holding the leash and she can't handle him). I am his primary caregiver, and now whenever I do anything with my newborn I know it leaves him feeling insecure. In fact, on the first day, every time I walked around the apartment to soothe River, Murphy would follow me from room to room. In hindsight I'm thinking he wasn't curious about the baby - he wasn't following him, he was following me. So now what?

I was always the main carer for my dogs as well as had 3 boys, never had to de-value my dogs. You are making him fear River because of the way you are acting, you need to chill. Of course he will follow you round, there is a new member and he doesn't understand, do what we normally do when we have a clinging dog, ignore him while he is following you.

Everytime my babies were asleep that time became my dogs, I would play, cuddle etc with them when my baby was asleep, teach Murph to help with the baby, teach him to fetch the nappy bags, baby wipes etc, get him involved, at the moment you are pushing him out. Stop expecting him to do wrong, expect him to do what you want him to, this doesn't mean you don't watch him you do, you will have to watch both him and River for many years.

Get that bottle of wine opened and chill, until you are relaxed Murphy won't.

I am home from work for 5 weeks then I go back. My mother is staying with us from June through September to help out, so that's an added stress to Murphy. L is scared that she will be out of her depth with not only a newborn but also a reactive dog who sees the newborn as a threat. We'll also have to take a while to desensitize him to my mom, who I am sure will be afraid of him because of the way he is.

Think positive both of you, you can do this but at the moment you are on a very steep learning curve with River, a new baby does turn the house upside down, both of you have to adapt and help Murph.

Since we've been back from the hospital and Murphy has come home, he's gotten one long walk instead of two. He's eating raw and gets yogurt and a Tryptophan supplement twice a day.

Can you just give him a short, 10 minute walk as well? It may help Murph.

Admittedly we didn't do the fake baby, fake baby noises thing to prepare him. He doesn't respond to recorded noises at all, so we really didn't think it would help. I could put "Cats 101" on TV for hours (I actually watched that darn show for three episodes once just to see what would happen) and he doesn't bat an eye. But if he hears one outside he's in a barking fit. So if I made a mistake not playing baby noises, then I guess I failed in that sense.

I didn't either, my first came home onb 1969, we didn't do things like that then, just relax and chill.

I am now at a loss. L doesn't think that she can handle having him as he is in our family because she is terrified of something happening to our son.

Of course she can, at the moment she is being a very normal first time mum and is programmed to protect her baby, that will ease back. We think babies are very delicate, when another comes along they have to rough it because they have an older brother or sister for parents to work with as well. I can remember my second pouring a cup of orange juice over my 2nds head when he was 6 weeks old, didn't do him any harm but he did scream.

Training is going to take time - and do we realistically have that time? I am so embarrassed that I'm admitting to feeling like I've failed him and I am devastated at the thought that we will have to give him up. I feel like a giant dummy for not thinking of the possibility that he would guard me, and feeling at a loss for what to do next. Are we supposed to play "musical rooms" for the next several months? Years? Is it worth making Murphy feel isolated away from the humans because of his insecurity? And how is isolating him supposed to build his confidence?

Chill and give Murph more room to manoeuvre, at the moment you have him tied down and expecting him to be like this, this doesn't mean complete freedom, it does mean that you need to trust.

I have been able to handle his behavior outside, he is a champ at walks, greets dogs nicely, avoids people instead of lunging. I don't know what to do about this. Many of you have been reading about our journey for over two years. And I am just a wreck thinking that I have failed him and that everyone will know it. I'm sitting in our office on my computer with Murphy sitting at my feet while my partner and newborn son are in another room bonding. We can't exist like this. Any advice? Encouragement? Kick in the pants? Anyone have room in their home for a smart and sweet and beautiful dog who happens to have some problems? What do I do?

You will fail if you keep thinking like this, Murph doesn't deserve that nor does L and River, by all means manage Murph when you can't be with him but don't expect him to do the wrong thing, dogs are like naughty boys, if you expect them to missbehave they will, expect them to behave and there is a lot more chance that they will.

At the moment you are a quivering wreck, this is your situation not Murphs, after Murphs walks and he wants to sleep make the most of that just as you make the most of River sleeping. You need to turn your thinking round. As River grows he won't be as demanding, at the moment he is at his most vunerable but that will change as well. It won't be long before you are asking for help to protect Murphy from River.

[Fundog]

Noobs, I'm sending you email. Be on the lookout.

[jacksdad]

Noobs, you are also tired and going to be tired for a little while as you get into your new routines and being tired makes it hard to keep perspective. BUT you can do this. Look what you have done with Murphy already.

Jack and I are rooting for you and Murphy. this too will improve.

[runlikethewind]

Ditto!!! You can do it!

[Noobs]

L and I have both read this thread. Thank you for the encouragement and the advice. I am going to be off the board for a bit while we figure things out. But I will be back for an update at some point.

[jacksdad]

completely understandable. you have a VERY full plate right now. don't be a stranger though

[maximoo]

maybe you can give murph a stinky baby onesie or blankie to sleep with so he can get used to the new scents.

[easilyconfused]

Congratulations on the new addition

I'd give it a few weeks before making rash choices. It sounds like the house needs to settle down after the recent upheaval, if you keep yhings calm and friendly, plenty of games and treats and lots of chill time. Make sure when the babies close the dog is watched and rewarded for staying calm, playing a game/whatever you'll soon find he's gaurding the baby too lol

May I ask what the tryptophan suppliment is for? Eggs / meats are naturally rich in tryptophan and to much can result in problems with histomine metabolism.

Good luck anyhow, the first child is always wrapped in cotton wool and the second eats its cereal off the table

[Nettle]

Remember if you had a toddler acting up, you'd still have to keep it and do all those things that you are having to do with Murphy.

I know a toddler who watched his chance and buried his baby sister in the flower bed - luckily she survived - it isn't only dogs that feel insecure when the new baby arrives.

I hope you are still around to read this. Some great advice here. Things will settle.