Mistakes (boy can we make 'em) and successes

[Noobs]

Last week we had a couple of friends over for some drinks. We've all had stressful months due to weddings and other "life" things happening lately, so we wanted to get together and chill before a big wedding weekend we were all going to out of town. We had successfully introduced Murphy to one of the friends and we were all sitting in the kitchen with Murphy on a leash. One friend had gone home to walk their dog and was returning. I did the drill of attention/watch me/reward for quiet, etc. Before someone enters the apartment we usually put Murphy behind the babygate. Well my bad judgment told me that since that friend was just there and had gone for only a few minutes Murphy would be fine. Well, he walked into the kitchen and things happened fast. Murphy went right over to him and nipped his hand. Murphy got tangled in his leash in the commotion and yelped, so it didn't help matters that he felt the need to go that far and then had a painful consequence as a result. My friend said that he froze because he didn't know what to do and that Murphy didn't break skin and released him without my friend having to pull away.

I was very upset, we put Murphy behind the babygate for everyone's safety and he exhibited all the signals, head down, ears down, averting gaze, etc. Even after everyone had settled down I kept excusing myself to cry in the bathroom because I had really failed him by letting things get that far and losing control of the situation. I also spent quite a bit of time shut off in Murphy's room with him, talking to him softly and trying to smooth things over. I felt encouraged by the fact that even in that state, Murphy had the presence of mind to have a soft mouth and didn't try to do any damage, and that he pulled away from my friend's hand rather than my friend trying to pull his hand away from Murphy's mouth. That's a good sign, right?

I feel like I've punished myself enough for that incident and have moved past it. I think that seeing what transpired has also made L more determined to do introductions of guests in our home correctly, step by step, not too fast, etc. etc. So having said that...

Just 6 days after "the incident" we had a friend stay with us for 2 1/2 days. She arrived Wednesday afternoon. I was at work and L had to do the introductions alone, which stresses her out. So I told her to go meet our friend with Murphy at the subway and walk home together. Surely within the half-mile walk they'd be fine, right? I was correct, thankfully. L had given him a Kong to work on for the first hour and they both spent a lot of time in his presence with a babygate between them but not paying attention to him. By the time I got home a few hours after her arrival, they were all hanging out in the kitchen with Murphy NOT on a leash but with collar on just in case. When I arrived home, I opened the door and found Murphy standing behind it. L said that every time he heard a noise he trotted to the door to see if it was me. This is pretty huge because he usually goes on alert when he hears noises and I often hear L on the other side of the door doing "watch me" with him when I arrive home.

For everyone's safety, I spent the two nights sleeping on the futon with Murphy in his room so we could keep him behind the babygate. We weren't sure if he'd wake up in the morning, see our friend and think she was an intruder. So our friend slept in our room with L, I slept in Murphy's room with him, the babygate was always shut, and everyone was fine.

On both mornings I took Murphy on an extra long walk in the morning and L and I made sure to spend time with Murphy on the futon for mommy time, and if our friend D made an appearance on the other side of the gate, Murphy didn't react to her at all.

He spent Thursday with our sitter because I was working and L and D were out and about all day. The sitter kept him all day and dropped him off close to bedtime. We got home about 30 minutes after Murphy. I went up first and took him for a walk. We met L and D three blocks away from home, we approached them from behind so Murphy could follow them first and greet them on the street. And we went upstairs and the rest of the night went without incident. In fact, this morning on our way out, D was ready before us and Murphy was sitting on his futon. She came into his room, asked if she could sit with him and did. He put his head down next to her and they spent the next five minutes with him lying there getting a forehead massage that nearly put him to sleep.

So coming from a pretty bad incident, we had a successful couple of days. I know I mostly talk about Murphy's cat issues here, because I've been working with him on that most of the time. We put the guest greetings on the back burner but are now tackling it because we don't want to rely on management forever.

Incidentally, this morning we saw a cat from about 50 feet away and Murphy was able to look at it, then me (treat), then the cat, then me (treat), then look away by choice without prompting from me! The cat sat on the sidewalk for quite some time, so Murphy got the opportunity to repeat the above steps three times (approaching more closely each time) before we moved on.

So a couple of steps backwards, but some steps forward. Steady as she goes...

[josie1918]

I wasn't there so this is just what I think, but sounds to me like Murphy may have been more startled by your friend coming in to the kitchen than anything. I being the not so proud owner of a card carrying member of the "I eat cats for lunch" club, think it is HUGE that he made the CHOICE to ignore kitty. Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fundog]

I'm with Josie. Ditto everything she said; well done!

[jacksdad]

if your just now starting to put work into visitors in the house, then there is going to be a learning curve for you, L and murphy. might not have gone as well as you had hoped, but you all did pretty darn good.

as for the cat, wooohoo. the smell of progress/success is pretty sweet isn't it?

[Noobs]

Yeah it just shows how much can go wrong in a few seconds. I don't know what I was thinking, and I know it was totally my fault.

At least we made some progress later on. Thanks everyone.

[Mattie]

Well done Murphy and Noobs

sometime we have to make a mistake to tell us what and were things are wrong, if you hadn't made that mistake you may not have been so successful with your friend. Mistakes happen, the mistake doesn't matter, how we handle the mistake is what matters and you took steps to make sure it didn't happen again so well done Noobs.

[Noobs]

Wow you are right, Mattie. If that hadn't happened last week we probably wouldn't have taken extra steps for D this week. We would have just left Murphy behind the baby gate to bark and bark and not done anything to ease the stress of having someone in our home.

Thanks for that. I hadn't thought of it.

[Noobs]

Also I'm not sure why I feel the need to clarify this, but I will... When I say that I slept in "Murphy's room" with him at night during the visit, I mean the room he's in when we're not home. He doesn't sleep there at night - he sleeps in our room with us, in his own bed.

[emmabeth]

I think, all told thats pretty darn successful!

Yep, a blip but that blip taught you a LOT - firstly that friend did absolutely the right thing - freeze, dont react.

It is unfortunate that Murphy tangled himself and yelped, but on the plus side, it was a nip that demonstrated a good degree of bite inhibition and he chose to back off himself.

That you then went on to have a really REALLY super successful meet/greet/spend time with another stranger is awesome, well done to all of you!

[Noobs]

Thanks everyone, our confidence is way up from our success and proof to us both that we're on the right track.

We had our friends over again last night - the ones who were over when one of them got nipped (they're getting married in two weeks and stress is high!) and the scenario was identical to last week. They came over one at a time because they got off work at different times. We made sure that L met each of them on the street at least 1/2 a block away from our house and I took Murphy, came up behind them and walked until we were next to them. The key is that Murphy greets L who says hello to him etc., while our guest ignores him, then we all walk into the house together.

Once we're inside Murphy goes behind the baby gate to observe and acclimate himself to the new person with no pressure. As he's behind the baby gate our friend tossed treats in without speaking to him or looking at him. When Murphy is let out of the room he is free to explore OR ignore while our friend ignores him, he is totally fine. He mostly ignored our friend for a few minutes and eventually he came up from behind him to sniff his feet and legs. My friend continued to ignore him. At that point Murphy was comfortable enough to come in and out of the kitchen and lie on the couch away from us. He heard a noise that startled him at one point, and he barked and came running into the kitchen growling...and he sat at my friend's feet - not mine and not L's! Finally my friend said, "Can I acknowledge him now?" and so I said ok, and he gave Murphy a scratch near his ears, which Murphy accepted.

When our second friend arrived we did the same drill - L went out to meet him and I took Murphy out to walk behind him and go up to our place together. It killed him to ignore Murphy because he looooves dogs and he loves doggy kisses, but he followed instructions too.

By the end of the night Murphy was perfectly fine saying goodbye to them etc. They both made sure they weren't too affectionate, which I know was difficult for both of them, but they were wonderful at following instructions and accepted all our explanations, the whats, hows, and whys.

See, people can be trained, too!

Another good night and a complete 180 from last week's debacle!

[jacksdad]

good stuff noobs. I will have to remember this for when I start working with Jack on visitors. He dislikes my daughter's boyfriend and freaks out if he has to see/deal with him. But LOVES our son's girlfriend and doesn't freak out when she comes by. I tease my son that his girlfriend really just comes comes over to see jack not him

When my daughter's boyfriend comes by she usually just pops jack into my bedroom and closes the door. she won't put the time into do any greeting rituals so this works.

[Noobs]

We realized that we could only rely on management for so long before we had to jump in and work on it. L even said to me this morning that she realized it was unfair to leave him behind the baby gate to bark at whoever was there and just wait for him to stop because, in her words, "He stopped barking because he was getting ignored, but he was still scared, so that wasn't helping." It was our lightbulb moment, which was great progress for us.

I feel like Jack might be ready for this next stage soon. He's doing beautifully outside.

[Mattie]

Well done Noobs, L and Murphy, you are all doing really well

[wvvdiup1]

Way to go Noobs and L! That "lightbulb moment" was like a "Check engine light" in a car; that is, both of you recognize there is a problem and promptly responded to it. So, I say again, "Way to go Noobs and L!"

[***Melissa***]

I'm only reading your post now. Well done Noobs, L and Murphy - despite the one "oops" you made major progress
Murphy is lucky to have you!!