So Calm

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Juno
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 2:59 pm

So Calm

Post by Juno »

Last night I met Victoria after her seminar in Morristown, NJ and I wish I had a chance to ask her a question. How does she remain so calm? I find many people including me find it difficult to remain so calm when a dog is under stress. I hate when my dog is suffering or is stressed in any way, especially if I'm in some way the cause of that. How does she do that?
Fundog
Posts: 3874
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:31 am
Location: A little gambling town in the high desert

Post by Fundog »

Truth be told Juno, it's a gift. There are certain people in this world who have a very special aptitude to performing under stress-- take Emergency Room physicians and nurses, for example. People who work with high-risk teens (who have a tendency to get out of control and have tantrums on a daily basis). Firefighters. Paramedics. And preschool teachers, lol! These people know that the only way to get control in a crisis is to remain calm and in control of themselves first, then the situation at hand.

I'm not Victoria, but I have my own secret: I make time stand still. When I'm in a classroom full of children, even if other parents are present, they don't exist unless/until I need them to exist. I'm totally focused on the children, and nothing else matters. Likewise, when I'm walking my dogs, quite often I'm so focused on them, that I might be oblivious to anything else-- including friends who drive by and wave-- I don't see them at all. It is this ability to focus and block out all other external factors that allows one to gain control of a crisis.

The first rule to drill into yourself so you can practice developing this skill, is DON'T PANIC. Example: I have asthma. On occasion I have found myself in full acute bronchospasm (asthma attack), without an inhaler. If I start to panic, my life will be in danger, as panicking will only make the situation worse. Instead, I have to focus on the very mechanisms of breathing, and block out everything/anything else. I am literally concentrating on all of the muscles and anatomy involved in respiration. I am slowing down my breathing, slowing down my heart rate, keeping everything relaxed, even, and slow. By doing this, I've found that by the time I get to my inhaler, the attack has passed and I don't really need it afterall!

You can learn to do this too-- but it takes practice and a cool head.

:wink:
Juno
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 2:59 pm

Being calm

Post by Juno »

Thanks for the reply, but I think what I meant was not being calm, but rather being not affected. I stay calm and I don't panic, but later I beat myself up and just worry if my dog is stressed. How does one let that go I wonder?
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Cracker
Posts: 160
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:47 am
Location: Toronto, Ontario Canada

Post by Cracker »

You let that go by realizing you are only human and then by working out a plan to do what you need to do that reduces the stress on your animal. Then you move on. And don't feel the need to be "unaffected", that implies a loss of empathy and that is a skill (however painful it may seem) that is inherent to being human and humane. You have to care, or else what matters?

Though, I am curious as to what sort of stress you are speaking of..do you have an example?

The best way to learn to stay calm in situations is to practice the skills you would need to use in an emergency or stressful situation. Practice in your mind, practice the movements..practice practice practice. Most emergency staff have practiced so so so much that in the beginning much of their response is automatic and they are barely aware of anything else...after a while and repeated events they start to become more aware of what they are doing (even if it is the exact same things they did before).

I am usually quite calm in emergencies, I grew up with a family of panickers so SOMEONE had to be calm or else, well, chaos. This does NOT mean I am calm, but it means I'm in control. When the emergency is over...I need to sit down, I usually bawl like a baby and feel ill. But then, it's okay to do that.

I dont' like my dog to be stressed, I worry a LOT when she is sick or injured or fearful. But then I work on getting her healthy, massaging and treating her injuries and calming her fears. If I don't know how, I get the experts to do it and then teach me.

Preparation, knowledge and practice. Sometimes it's as simple as remembering to breathe. Really. Those zen monks have it right.

Ps. Fundog, I had childhood asthma and learned the same thing. This was the only way to control the attacks without relying too much on the inhaler or if it was not right nearby...it was liked forced meditation. It continues to serve me well, for pain control, stress relief, etc.
Maggi Burtt
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Mattie
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Post by Mattie »

I find smiling and laughing helps, it also helps my dog when under stress because my body language and voice changes for the better as well. Smiling even when I feel very down and depressed helps bring me out of this as well.

When I used to teach horse riding I often felt like pulling my hair out with some of my clients, when I made myself smile, I no longer felt like pulling my hair out but relaxed, when I relaxed I was able to communicate with my client better and the problem was soon sorted.

Same with dogs, my dog under stress, and there have been many times when this has happened if I smiled my dog picked up on this, when you smile your body relaxes and so did my dog.
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